“Just tell me YOU want me back. Tell me YOU need me.”
Legit, that was what he said at the time and I couldn’t keep myself from gawking and internally rolling my eyeballs on a three sixty. Twice over.
There I was, four years ago, sitting across the room with my hands crossed over me, eye to eye with this person in front of me, and I am seriously considering having my ear or my brain checked.
I smirked — hesitating to give out a belly laugh. And with a voice so clear, I was a bit surprised myself, I blurted out a crispy “NO. Why should I? Why would I?”
He seemed taken aback because knowing him, he already played this out a million times in his head full of locks and with utmost certainty, he already expected me to accede to his “request”.
Nonchalantly I told him to get out and leave.
He looked puzzled understandably. He knew he came to the right house. The right door. He was looking at me but at the same time he couldn’t quite see me.
As a last attempt at helping him understand I told him, “The biggest mistakes a man could make is possibly to let me think. And you’ve given me so much time for that.”
I headed out the door and told him to do the same as his play just ended but on a note that I decided.
“People don’t have an iota of power over you that did not come from you. Read that again.”
The biggest misconception most of us have, and undoubtedly, I also did, is that people haver this weird magical wand once we let them into our lives and become a part of us.
Even that last phrase should be stricken as a misnomer.
People enter our lives and become a role player in our lives. They add to our joy or multiply our pain. But they never had and never will have the power to beat us out of our own life unless and until we hand it over to them.
The way people affect us, whether romantically or friendship-wise, is not for them to determine. We have believed all too well these thoroughly romanticised notion that we cannot help the way we feel.
Sure we can. Always.
But the first step to that is deciding that we are capable of acknowledging what we feel and why we felt that way. Chalking it up to how another person makes us feel is just another form of escaping responsibility and evading the task of addressing our personal issues.
If a complete stranger tells you they love you, will you be moved? Probably not. At least not in the way we would be if it was someone significant. If a complete stranger tells you they think you’re a bad individual, it won’t count for you either. Instinctively, you know that a random opinion is most likely false or at least of little importance.
But when a statement comes from people we have had around us for a bit of a time — those we’ve assigned quite an amount of value with — it seems to trick us into thinking that every word spewed out is gospel truth. When it is actually not.
The truth is everything is a matter of choice. Everything is a matter of us compartmentalising which deserves our attention and afterthought and which does not.
I could have chosen to stupidly obey that man and told him what he wanted to hear. But I chose not to.
Because I knew I could choose where or to whom I can hand over my power to.
Wielding this little thing called self-worth is just one of the powers people have in themselves. The tricky thing when we go through life is knowing that we have it, knowing when to use it, and knowing who to give it to or not.
Words, contrary to the time immemorial belief, do not have power.
The speaker is the only one that does. The amount of acceptance and significance we put on them amplifies that, or depreciates it.
So the next time you think about whether what is said or what is done to you should define you or not, know that you will always have the power to CHOOSE. The only ever way that same power is going to be taken from you is when you willingly let it go.